I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
