I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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