I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
