Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
