Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
