I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
