Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
