How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I didn't notice because vodka
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
