I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
