I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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