I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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