So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
