all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
