I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
