I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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