Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize