My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I will pee on everything he values.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
