i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
