I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
