Have you finally orgasmed yet?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
