Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
