You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
