You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
