Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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