How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
