He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
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Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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