we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
