How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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