is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
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Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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