Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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