all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
