; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
