you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
