dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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