im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
