You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
