Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
