shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
PANTIES FOUND
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