shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
They have beer where we have blood.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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