i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
