Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
