Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize