You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
