yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize