No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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