Im at strip club and am horny
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
