You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize