If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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