man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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