He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
