All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
