I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
A+ Viking dick
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
