3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
