Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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