nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
