yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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