i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Drake has all the answers
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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