I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize