Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
