I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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