and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
