his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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